Another Midlife Crisis (What? Again?)

So let's get up to speed here...

Last June I left my full-time job to free up my life for my acting career. It was a difficult choice and one I had been debating for years. I had money in the bank, I had a nice nest egg in my retirement plan and 401(k). I figured if worse came to worse, if I went through my savings, I could dip into my retirement plan. I could find part-time work. Bottom line: I wouldn't end up on the streets.

Its now been almost a year and I've learned some things. I don't like not having a full-time job.  It's tough getting up in the morning and not having a place to go. I feel I need that structure (routine) in my life. Without it, I feel somewhat aimless, lost. So set some goals, Richard. Create your own structure.

But in addition to that, I no longer have a group of people that I see and work with every day. People to talk to and share with. Its gone. It contributes to my feeling of aimlessness. I feel alone.

I went through almost my savings within six months because I didn't work much during that time. Then, in January I started working a couple of part-time jobs which cover most of my monthly expenses but not all. The part-time jobs offer me flexibility which I like very much. I can pretty much make my own schedule which is great for the acting career because it gives me the freedom to go to any auditions I want and work around those auditions. But the hourly rates are less than what I was making even 20 years ago and no benefits.

I pay for my own medical now and since I took early retirement rather than quitting I am able to keep my old dental and vision plans, (I could have done the same with my medical but it was ridiculously expensive!). I rolled over my retirement plan and 401(k) into an IRA. Like I said its there if I need it but it will come at a cost  if I withdraw since I am under 60.

My rent has gone up...again so there's an added expense there. No problem, I'll look for cheaper place olive. Nope. Rents are going up everywhere unless I want to downsize of move further out from central LA.  I'm doing that...yet.

I withdrew some money from my IRA a couple months back and put it in my savings account to help me out because I wasn't working many hours at the time and I had gone through my savings. But then I booked a commercial and then a couple weeks later got my tax refunds so no need to dip into the savings just yet. Meanwhile, I've increased my hours with both part-time jobs so I'm bringing home more money. Far less than what I'm used to but I'm still here.

But what's freaking me outs this...the first six weeks of this year I had 10 commercial auditions. I was called back for five of them and then placed on avail for 3 of those five callbacks. Amazing! Three on avails in one month. That's never happened to me before. And I booked one of those. Yes!

But then after that, nothing. March and April were dead. I've had a couple auditions in the last couple of weeks so I feel a little better. But man this is tough. I'm in a panic. Maybe I shouldn't have left the job. Umm, yes! I should have! I was miserable.  Do I get another job so I have three? Increase the number of hours I drive for Instacart? I do make decent money some shifts, like @ $22/hour. But then other shifts I'll average $15/hour.  If I can make $250 - $280 in 16 - 19 hours, I can make $400 - $500 in 40, right? But do I want to do that, drive around the valley for 40 hours a week?

The other job, merchandising, is nice because I work by myself and can do the work whenever I want as long as its done by the deadline and I usually have a 1 - 3 week window to complete my assignments. But it doesn't pay much.  So do I look for a new gig? If so, what?

What's amazed me is how the universe has provided. For instance, the timing of booking the commercial. It happened a couple times before as well.  Right when I was running low on funds in September, I got five weeks of contract work with my former employer. Then, in November a commercial I made a year earlier was renewed for another year so I got a nice paycheck for that and then some independent work from some friends. So I'm learning to trust the universe more.  I'm a year into this new chapter in my life and I'm doing okay.

As for the rest, I spend a lot more time alone. I've always done theater and I think Ive used that as an excuse form black of social life. Or rather, its always been a substitute for a social life. And I decided recently to cut back on doing theater to keep myself available for TV and commercial work. So as a result, I'm not interacting with people so much anymore.  Not having the income I once had, I'm less likely to go out and spend money like I was. And working independently makes me miss the daily interaction with my co-workers. It's lonely when you work for yourself and without anyone else.

I chose this path. This is the one I wanted and I'm doing it. I told myself a long time ago that I knew if worse came to worse I would not starve and I would not end up on the streets because I am smart and in good health. There's a lot I can do. It just scares me being alone in this and not knowing what's next.

A Look Back at 2017

On New Years, people make lists. They look back at the last year and list their top 10s or just reflect on the highs and lows of the past year and make resolutions or perhaps set goals for the next year.

I am not one for making New Years' resolutions.  Why use the first of a new year as a reason to make changes or improvement in my life?  It should be ongoing.  Right? However, the end of the year can't help but make you reflect on the past year. And so much has changed in my life this past year, I do want to take stock of where I was and where I am.

I spent all of 2017 working in the theater. And I got to play a variety of roles in various genres. I started the year playing (don't laugh!) Cornelius Hackl in Hello Dolly. The reason you may be hearing about for the first time here is because it was for a one-weekend only church benefit cast mostly with church regulars and I was one of the pros brought into the production.  You may scoff at me playing Cornelius at my age but based on the age of the other actors, it worked and I got to check off a dream role from my bucket list. Cornelius is the heart and sole of this show and I got sing a beautiful, ballad, dance and show off my comedy skills.

I went straight from Hello Dolly to 42nd Street at the Candlelight Pavilion Dinner Theatre in Claremont.  I had a great time working there and may some new friendships that have lasted beyond the run of that show. I played Pat Denning and while not a huge role and once again I was back in a musical in an almost non-singing role, Pat Denning sings about 16 bars of one song. But he does play a pivotal part in the plot as Dorothy Brock's love.  I played opposite the wonderful Sarah Meals as Dorothy and I know I'll be back to Candlelight in the future.

While performing in 42nd Street, I began rehearsals for Hello Again, the musical which I directed at Chromolume Theatre in the spring. It was a big challenge. Not only is it rarely produced but it is the compete opposite of a Broadway blockbuster like the previous two shows.  And as is typical of me, I had some pretty serious doubts that I could pull it off. But I did.

While in rehearsals for Hello Again, I heard from two other theaters in town asking if I would be interested in auditioning for their upcoming shows. Crown City Theatre in North Hollywood was producing an original play written by one of their Co-Artistic Directors. Somewhere in the Middle was a comedy-drama about a Jewish-Catholic family whose college-age daughter brings home a black, Palestinian, Muslim fiancé to meet the family on Passover. Think Norman Lear 1970s sitcom. I played the father and I loved being able to play a straight role as the patriarch of a family.  We got great reviews and extended for a couple weekends.

And finally, I was asked to audition for the part of the Old Man in a stage adaptation of A Christmas Story, not the musical recently seen on FOX, but a straight play based on Jean Shepherd's stories. We opened in mid-November and closed on New Years Eve. The show was amazing. We sold out almost the entire run. The set, props and costumes were all top notch and the reviews were all raves. And best of all I had a role that was a real showcase for my talents. It was probably the most physically demanding role I have ever had. I was constantly out of breath backstage early in the run but as the run progressed, I noticed I wasn't as out of breath. And I lost some weight. Like seriously, my pants are hanging off of me.

And next, to start 2018, I return to one of my favorite roles of all time, Harold in The Full Monty, opening January 26 at San Diego Music Theatre and running through February 25. I start rehearsals tomorrow. Its a great to start the new year.

As I look back at last year, one word comes to mind...GRATEFUL. Look at the parts I played this year. All very different. Big budget musicals, small family dramas and comedies. I got to stretch my acting muscles and play so many different roles.

But the biggest step I took this year was quitting my job of 11 years so I could focus on my acting. Scary. Risky. Some might say Bold, maybe even crazy. Time will tell. I am scared but I also know that if I want to make a living as an actor, I need to focus on that and nothing else.

My goal this year is to book some co-stars on TV. I'm already off to a decent start with some auditions in the last couple of months. Based on the words listed at the top of this blog, what shows would you cast me in? Let me know in the comments section of this blog.

Thanks and HAPPY NEW YEAR!