Another Midlife Crisis (What? Again?)

So let's get up to speed here...

Last June I left my full-time job to free up my life for my acting career. It was a difficult choice and one I had been debating for years. I had money in the bank, I had a nice nest egg in my retirement plan and 401(k). I figured if worse came to worse, if I went through my savings, I could dip into my retirement plan. I could find part-time work. Bottom line: I wouldn't end up on the streets.

Its now been almost a year and I've learned some things. I don't like not having a full-time job.  It's tough getting up in the morning and not having a place to go. I feel I need that structure (routine) in my life. Without it, I feel somewhat aimless, lost. So set some goals, Richard. Create your own structure.

But in addition to that, I no longer have a group of people that I see and work with every day. People to talk to and share with. Its gone. It contributes to my feeling of aimlessness. I feel alone.

I went through almost my savings within six months because I didn't work much during that time. Then, in January I started working a couple of part-time jobs which cover most of my monthly expenses but not all. The part-time jobs offer me flexibility which I like very much. I can pretty much make my own schedule which is great for the acting career because it gives me the freedom to go to any auditions I want and work around those auditions. But the hourly rates are less than what I was making even 20 years ago and no benefits.

I pay for my own medical now and since I took early retirement rather than quitting I am able to keep my old dental and vision plans, (I could have done the same with my medical but it was ridiculously expensive!). I rolled over my retirement plan and 401(k) into an IRA. Like I said its there if I need it but it will come at a cost  if I withdraw since I am under 60.

My rent has gone up...again so there's an added expense there. No problem, I'll look for cheaper place olive. Nope. Rents are going up everywhere unless I want to downsize of move further out from central LA.  I'm doing that...yet.

I withdrew some money from my IRA a couple months back and put it in my savings account to help me out because I wasn't working many hours at the time and I had gone through my savings. But then I booked a commercial and then a couple weeks later got my tax refunds so no need to dip into the savings just yet. Meanwhile, I've increased my hours with both part-time jobs so I'm bringing home more money. Far less than what I'm used to but I'm still here.

But what's freaking me outs this...the first six weeks of this year I had 10 commercial auditions. I was called back for five of them and then placed on avail for 3 of those five callbacks. Amazing! Three on avails in one month. That's never happened to me before. And I booked one of those. Yes!

But then after that, nothing. March and April were dead. I've had a couple auditions in the last couple of weeks so I feel a little better. But man this is tough. I'm in a panic. Maybe I shouldn't have left the job. Umm, yes! I should have! I was miserable.  Do I get another job so I have three? Increase the number of hours I drive for Instacart? I do make decent money some shifts, like @ $22/hour. But then other shifts I'll average $15/hour.  If I can make $250 - $280 in 16 - 19 hours, I can make $400 - $500 in 40, right? But do I want to do that, drive around the valley for 40 hours a week?

The other job, merchandising, is nice because I work by myself and can do the work whenever I want as long as its done by the deadline and I usually have a 1 - 3 week window to complete my assignments. But it doesn't pay much.  So do I look for a new gig? If so, what?

What's amazed me is how the universe has provided. For instance, the timing of booking the commercial. It happened a couple times before as well.  Right when I was running low on funds in September, I got five weeks of contract work with my former employer. Then, in November a commercial I made a year earlier was renewed for another year so I got a nice paycheck for that and then some independent work from some friends. So I'm learning to trust the universe more.  I'm a year into this new chapter in my life and I'm doing okay.

As for the rest, I spend a lot more time alone. I've always done theater and I think Ive used that as an excuse form black of social life. Or rather, its always been a substitute for a social life. And I decided recently to cut back on doing theater to keep myself available for TV and commercial work. So as a result, I'm not interacting with people so much anymore.  Not having the income I once had, I'm less likely to go out and spend money like I was. And working independently makes me miss the daily interaction with my co-workers. It's lonely when you work for yourself and without anyone else.

I chose this path. This is the one I wanted and I'm doing it. I told myself a long time ago that I knew if worse came to worse I would not starve and I would not end up on the streets because I am smart and in good health. There's a lot I can do. It just scares me being alone in this and not knowing what's next.

Pet Peeves

Today, I am going to share some of my pet peeves.

1) When you're driving down the road and the car in front of you goes to make a left hand turn, but they don't go all the way into the median. Their back end is still sticking out in the driving lane. Get all the way into the median! Likewise, when making a right hand turn pull over to the right and let us get by.

2) Standing in line at the register at the supermarket (or Target) and the person in front of you doesn't even open their purse or get their wallet out until after the cashier has completed the entire transaction. Or worse yet, they act like they've never swiped their card though one of those machines before. They can't follow the simple step by step instructions on the display? Or if they are paying with cash, they stand there digging through their purse for change.  Hello?! You've been standing in this line for 10-15 minutes before even getting to the cashier. Not only that but you have 3-5 minutes while the cashier was ringing you up to get your money or card out. And news flash! Did you know you can swipe your card while the chaser is ringing you up? I know! I just blew your mind didn't I? I always, ALWAYS have my card in my hand ready to go before I even get to the cashier. And if I'm paying in cash, my wallet is in my hand and open while the cashier is ringing me up. I might even have my other hand in my pocket ready to grab some change.

3) The pre-pay machines in parking garages. I don't know about you but the shopping center near me, has pre-pay machines in several locations. There are also signs throughout that say "Pay at machine before exiting the parking structure." And yet, 30 - 40% of the time, there is someone at the exit gate who hasn't paid. Excuse me! Do you not read English? You cannot pay at the exit gates. Well, you can if you have a credit or debit card. But still. Earlier this week, I was behind someone and I heard the attendant say. Cards only. Really?

4) And along with that (so I guess this really a 3-a), the parking is automated. There are no booths with attendance to take your money. But in my local shopping center, there is an office next to the one exit and 7-8 times out of 10, that attendant at the gate helping people like the aforementioned. So much for saving money on staffing with a person so it can be automated.

5) Bicycling on a designated bike path and having to dodge, joggers, walkers, dog walkers, kids playing, people pushing strollers. It's the bike path. Get out of the way. I don;t mind going around the occasional interloper, but sometimes (weekend, evenings) the paths are crowded with all of the above. There are designated lanes and/or paths for people walking or running. Use them and stay off the bike path. My fave is when its an entire family walking, pushing a stroller and maybe one or two kinds on a bike or skateboard and they are walking along side to side taking up the entire length of the path in both directions. There are signs at all the entrances stating bike path. There is a dividing line down the middle with the occasional set of directional arrows. Get out!

6) Circling back to 2 and 3...people using the self-pay lines art the supermarket acting like they're never used one before. C'mon! These are not new. They've been around a while. Is this really the first time you've used one? How else do you explain that you don't seem to understand what you're doing?
Geez!

Okay, I think I'm done...for now!

Trader Joe's

Last night I went to Trader Joe's for my weekly grocery shopping. Trader Joe's is usually a challenge to get into. That's why I typically go after 7:00pm. It's easier to get into the parking lot. If you go in the afternoon on a Saturday or a Sunday, the parking lot has a line waiting to get in. The parking on the streets around it tend to be occupied too.

Yesterday, a Sunday, I drive by around 5:30 and it was insane to say the least. Cars waiting to turn in from all streets. Side streets completely full. Cars trying to maneuver their way out of the lot. So I went back about a half hour later. Same as before, except this time I managed to find a spot on the side street behind the store.

Every time I park on that side street I think of the hoe owners on that block and how frustrated they must get with the traffic coming through on their short block and the cars using their driveway to turn their cars around.

I'm used to this. It seems to be true of all Trader Joe's, and it got me to thinking. Why don't hey build bigger parking lots for their stores? Well, because the stores are smaller dummy! Yes, but couldn't they build bigger stores I ask myself. Sure. But it seems to me that the concept of the store is that of a small neighborhood store, right? Right.  But man oh man! They are so crowded inside too!

Its not just my neighborhood store. Its ll the stores that I have been in here in the Los Angeles area. I get it. I do. Because they're a great store with a brilliant concept and reasonable prices. Even back in my hometown of Albany, NY they opened a store about two three years ago in The Town of Colonie. Even there they get crowds. I saw a picture online last week of people dodging traffic on busy Wolf Road to get there because they had to park across the street in another lot to go and shop there. Dodging traffic? Really? Is it worth THAT?

But yesterday...yesterday was the ever loving lulu of crowded Trader Joes. I usually detest the way the people just drive their carts all higgledy piggledy all over the store. Going every which way in the aisles, standing in the aisles, blocking the aisles. Not like in other stores where the aisles are in straight parallel rows as opposed to Trader Joe's which has aisles on an angle running diagonally across the store. Chaos. Always.

And yesterday. It was so crowded that not only was there a line at every single register. But every single line when through past the main front aisle and people were lined up in the sales aisles. No one could get through the front of the store. If you wanted to go in one of the wine aisles, godlike to you because those aisles were full of us standing in line to pay.

It. Was. The. Worst. I've. Ever. Seen. It. Bar None!

Insane. SO the whole time I was in line I thought about it. Why don't they have larger stores? Oh right, kind of goes against their store concept doesn't it? Loses the homey neighborhood market feel.

So c'mon Trader Joes'. Open more stores! Please. Now. Put us out of our misery. Wait! It just occurred to me. Its intentional. Its like a drug. They've got us hooked. Now we can't get enough.
More! More! Now! Feed me Seymour!