Last night the Ovation Awards were handed out in Los Angeles. The Ovation Awards are LA's version of the TONY Awards given to theaters in LA. The awards are broken down into two categories, Intimate Theatre and Large Theatre. And I love that they do that. Otherwise it would be like the big Broadway shows going up against the little Off-Off-Broadway houses. There are so many intimate theaters here in Los Angeles, that I couldn't possibly name them all and I shan't!
The Broadway World Award nominations were announced yesterday as well. And again, even more friends and colleagues were nominated for awards. I wasn't. :( Boo Hoo! But then neither were the couple of productions I was in. That's okay because last year I got some love. Now, unlike the Ovations, there are a lot of categories. Unfortunately, the Broadway World Awards does not separate by smaller and larger theaters. But then they do separate the touring productions from the local productions. And they have cabaret awards. Thems a lot of awards!
But imagine being with a small theater in the Valley (that's the San Fernando Valley, the other side of the hills from Hollywood and West Hollywood for those of you outside of LA) and you're in your theatre company's intimate production of Uncle Vanya and you're up against Annette Bening inThe Cherry Orchard at The Geffen or Dame Judi Dench in The Importance of Being Ernest at The Ahmanson. It's hardly fair. (BTW I made those up Judi Dench did not do Ernest at The Ahmanson. But can you imagine? Squee! Oh! But apparently Annette Bening did do The Cheery Orchard..at the Mark Taper...in 2006. I knew I didn't just pull that out of my ass) So yay to the Ovations for splitting up the categories.
So a handful of friends were nominated for Ovations and a couple even won! Yay! But most of the nominated shows, I've never seen or even heard of. I go to theater almost every weekend, yet I managed to miss so many great shows. Why is that? Poor taste in what I choose to see? I try to support my friends in their shows. My friends have poor taste in the project they choose to be in?
None of the above. It's simply this. There is a hell of a lot of theatre in Los Angeles. A ton of it! You can't possibly see all of it there is so much. That's right. Los Angeles. Big theater town. You didn't know that did you? Well, it's true. There are dozens and dozens of little theaters all over town. There are storefronts in almost every neighborhood of this city that have been converted into performance spaces. I have friends opening in shows every weekend. I wish I could see them all. And I want my friends to know right here and now that I really do have the best intentions and I really want to see them all but its tough. And obviously if I'm in a show, well then, it can't be done.
In the last few weeks alone I've one friend do standup, a group of friends and acquaintances from my acme Comedy Theatre days doing their improv show, Sondheim on Sondheim, Damn Yankees, Willy Wonka, Guys & Dolls, Broadway Bound and Spring Awakening. Coming up, I have Heathers, Cat on A Hot Tin Roof, Arsenic and Old Lace and Deathtrap. Lots of old stalwarts there. Plus a cabaret act. And I'll bet there are a couple of other shows that I will have to see coming up, some new pieces.
Well, I have to go. Lots of theater to see. Congrats to all the nominees and winners! Go. Support Theatre!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Performance Anxiety
I need to vent. Yesterday, I had an audition for a show at a big prominent musical theater company here in the Los Angeles area. I've auditioned for them a few times over the last couple of years and have a few friends that have worked there. In fact, my last audition there last spring went quite well.
So I chose to audition for this show because there is a part in it that is perfect for me. I came very close to getting cast in this same role at another CLO in the area a few years back but ultimately did not get the part, but the artistic director was very happy with my audition and assured me it was a tough decision and she hoped I would continue to audition for them in the future.
So, I went into this audition yesterday armed with the same audition song. This is a song that I learned over 20 years ago and know like the back of my own hand. I've sung it at cabaret nights, open mic nights and in my own cabaret act. I went to this audition confident that I am right for this role and I had a song that was perfect for the character I want to be considered for and I know it well. I get to the audition location and am placed on deck in the hallway outside the audition room with two others. And that's when it hit me! Nerves. Big time nerves.
I stood there and realized how nervous I was. I kept telling myself that I had this. I know this song. It's mine. I had to keep talking to myself. I am a talented actor and singer. I know what I am doing. People like me. There is no reason to be this nervous. I'm Richard Van Slyke. I just need to go in there and show them. I have this. Why am I so nervous?
I mean, I have been doing this for over 30 years. Why am I still riddled with nerves? Seriously. I've worked with vocal/acting coaches in New York and here in Los Angeles. I've taken voice lessons. I've worked professionally. I've been in dozens and dozens of shows. I've been in therapy. I've been given tricks to help me get through my nerves. But they don't go away. What is going on? Why am I still so lacking in self-confidence?
Here I am in line with much younger actors and singers probably not with half the experience that I have. They don't have their Equity cards. I do. And yet, I'm intimidated. I'm scared that I'm not as good as them. I don't belong here. Then I tell myself, these kids are here for chorus parts. You are here for one of the principal roles. Seriously, what is wrong with me? When will I get over this?
A former acting teacher gave me a mantra to recite to myself, "I am me and that is enough." I forget that.
Oh, and the audition...it went fine. I got through it. I sounded good. The acting was right on. I have fun with this song. I need to remember that. It's out of my hands now.
So I chose to audition for this show because there is a part in it that is perfect for me. I came very close to getting cast in this same role at another CLO in the area a few years back but ultimately did not get the part, but the artistic director was very happy with my audition and assured me it was a tough decision and she hoped I would continue to audition for them in the future.
So, I went into this audition yesterday armed with the same audition song. This is a song that I learned over 20 years ago and know like the back of my own hand. I've sung it at cabaret nights, open mic nights and in my own cabaret act. I went to this audition confident that I am right for this role and I had a song that was perfect for the character I want to be considered for and I know it well. I get to the audition location and am placed on deck in the hallway outside the audition room with two others. And that's when it hit me! Nerves. Big time nerves.
I stood there and realized how nervous I was. I kept telling myself that I had this. I know this song. It's mine. I had to keep talking to myself. I am a talented actor and singer. I know what I am doing. People like me. There is no reason to be this nervous. I'm Richard Van Slyke. I just need to go in there and show them. I have this. Why am I so nervous?
I mean, I have been doing this for over 30 years. Why am I still riddled with nerves? Seriously. I've worked with vocal/acting coaches in New York and here in Los Angeles. I've taken voice lessons. I've worked professionally. I've been in dozens and dozens of shows. I've been in therapy. I've been given tricks to help me get through my nerves. But they don't go away. What is going on? Why am I still so lacking in self-confidence?
Here I am in line with much younger actors and singers probably not with half the experience that I have. They don't have their Equity cards. I do. And yet, I'm intimidated. I'm scared that I'm not as good as them. I don't belong here. Then I tell myself, these kids are here for chorus parts. You are here for one of the principal roles. Seriously, what is wrong with me? When will I get over this?
A former acting teacher gave me a mantra to recite to myself, "I am me and that is enough." I forget that.
Oh, and the audition...it went fine. I got through it. I sounded good. The acting was right on. I have fun with this song. I need to remember that. It's out of my hands now.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Stand Up Sondheim and Sketch. Oh My!
I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I am an actor/writer/director. Not full of confidence in my abilities and modest to a fault. Which may be why it's taken me two weeks of blogging to come right out and tell you this.
I am telling you this to share some of my life with you. This weekend I am going to see friends in shows. This is a frequent activity for me because here in Los Angeles, (now you know where I live! Don't come after me!) There isn't a day that goes by that I don't receive emails and facebook invites to friend's shows. When I am in a show, its obviously hard for me to go see my friends's shows unless they perform on one of my off nights. In the time I took to write this paragraph, I got two email invites, (No lie!)
I still have friends in productions of Arsenic and Old Lace, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, an original musical at a small theater in Burbank, and a reading of a new musical at a theater in North Hollywood. All happening this weekend. And then I have others in rehearsals for shows that will be opening in a couple of weeks. And there are the theaters I have worked at in the past, whose shows I try to see as often as I can. I want to support them all. I really do. But obviously it's hard to do. When I'm not in a show it is easier, My schedule is lighter Here is a typical slow week:
Monday night, I took a dance class (see my November 7 blog). Tuesday night I took an acting class. Wednesday night I went to pick up my bike from the bike shop (I brought it in for a tune up). Thursday night I went to see a friend do stand up. Tonight, I rest. Tomorrow (Saturday night) I got to Long Beach to Sondheim on Sondheim at ICT starring a friend and then Sunday I go to a sketch show starring a group of people I used to sketch with at Acme Comedy Theatre in Hollywood. Oh! and did mention? I have a full time job. That's right. I work Monday through Friday from 8 am to 5 pm. Some weeks from 6:30am to 3:30 pm.
AND! I go to auditions during the day sometimes. Today for instance, I had a commercial audition. Last week, I had an audition for a new crime drama and on Friday I had a commercial audition. You may ask, "How do I do that when I have a full time job?" Well, let me tell you. It ain't easy, bucko!
You may remember in an earlier blog this week I touched on friends with significant others and children and me with none of those things. This may offer some insight: I'm pooped! I go to the auditions, but then I go back to my office in downtown Los Angeles and I go back to work (I started to type that I go back to sleep! That's how tired I am). I claim those auditions as my lunch hour. But this being Los Angeles and there being tons of traffic at any given moment in any given place without any rhyme or reason, I could be gone longer than an hour. What do I do in those instances? I work later or I come in earlier in anticipation of the audition that day. Today, I was lucky. I was only gone for 1 hour and 10 minutes. But there have been times when I've been gone for 2 to 3 hours! My boss isn't too happy about those. But then sometimes, she doesn't even notice.
So tonight, I watch TV and veg..Oh! I almost forgot. I have a theater audition in Thousand Oaks Sunday afternoon so I will have to work on that some. In between working out at the gym and doing laundry, grocery shopping for the coming week and washing the car. And I should probably do some house cleaning too. Well, my weekend is gone. See you next week!
I am telling you this to share some of my life with you. This weekend I am going to see friends in shows. This is a frequent activity for me because here in Los Angeles, (now you know where I live! Don't come after me!) There isn't a day that goes by that I don't receive emails and facebook invites to friend's shows. When I am in a show, its obviously hard for me to go see my friends's shows unless they perform on one of my off nights. In the time I took to write this paragraph, I got two email invites, (No lie!)
I still have friends in productions of Arsenic and Old Lace, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, an original musical at a small theater in Burbank, and a reading of a new musical at a theater in North Hollywood. All happening this weekend. And then I have others in rehearsals for shows that will be opening in a couple of weeks. And there are the theaters I have worked at in the past, whose shows I try to see as often as I can. I want to support them all. I really do. But obviously it's hard to do. When I'm not in a show it is easier, My schedule is lighter Here is a typical slow week:
Monday night, I took a dance class (see my November 7 blog). Tuesday night I took an acting class. Wednesday night I went to pick up my bike from the bike shop (I brought it in for a tune up). Thursday night I went to see a friend do stand up. Tonight, I rest. Tomorrow (Saturday night) I got to Long Beach to Sondheim on Sondheim at ICT starring a friend and then Sunday I go to a sketch show starring a group of people I used to sketch with at Acme Comedy Theatre in Hollywood. Oh! and did mention? I have a full time job. That's right. I work Monday through Friday from 8 am to 5 pm. Some weeks from 6:30am to 3:30 pm.
AND! I go to auditions during the day sometimes. Today for instance, I had a commercial audition. Last week, I had an audition for a new crime drama and on Friday I had a commercial audition. You may ask, "How do I do that when I have a full time job?" Well, let me tell you. It ain't easy, bucko!
You may remember in an earlier blog this week I touched on friends with significant others and children and me with none of those things. This may offer some insight: I'm pooped! I go to the auditions, but then I go back to my office in downtown Los Angeles and I go back to work (I started to type that I go back to sleep! That's how tired I am). I claim those auditions as my lunch hour. But this being Los Angeles and there being tons of traffic at any given moment in any given place without any rhyme or reason, I could be gone longer than an hour. What do I do in those instances? I work later or I come in earlier in anticipation of the audition that day. Today, I was lucky. I was only gone for 1 hour and 10 minutes. But there have been times when I've been gone for 2 to 3 hours! My boss isn't too happy about those. But then sometimes, she doesn't even notice.
So tonight, I watch TV and veg..Oh! I almost forgot. I have a theater audition in Thousand Oaks Sunday afternoon so I will have to work on that some. In between working out at the gym and doing laundry, grocery shopping for the coming week and washing the car. And I should probably do some house cleaning too. Well, my weekend is gone. See you next week!
Thursday, November 5, 2015
How Much "I" is "TM"?
As I sit at my computer every day pondering what to write about, I often debate how personal I want to get. How much of my personal life or feelings do I want to share? I know many people use social media to express their feelings on any myriad of subjects. Sometimes a heated debate may ensue in the threads, people disagree, feelings are hurt, and friends are "unfriended" even blocked.
I have always made it a point to keep my social media posts free of my personal views or feelings mainly to avoid the above from happening and also because of my overwhelming need to be liked. I cannot handle people not liking me. I can't offend or disagree with people because they may not like me as a result. There. I just shared something personal about myself.
Others use social media to post pictures of their family and their travels or to share funny pictures stories etc. Still others use it to promote their latest projects. Many use it for all those things. But no matter what you use it for, there are those who attack. Some get sick of seeing others use social media to vent about their problems, or use it to express their political views or views on some other issue. or maybe think they others are using it to gain sympathy from friends.
I was once told by a friend that a neighbor unfriended him because he was sick of him bragging about how wonderful his life was and always rubbing it in his face. My response to him was that his "friend" was projecting his own insecurities and issues onto my friend's posts as if perhaps they were in competition as they lived in the same neighborhood and their kids played together. And there were some other similarities between the two families that I will not share here. They were probably just jealous. By no means does my friend post to brag. But there are insecure people who will see it that way. Their problem. Not yours.
I've seen people complain that those who use social media simply to promote their latest project. "I just cast in this play." "I booked a commercial." "Come see me in my show." I'm afraid I fall into this category. To me, this is one of the things that social media is for...to promote yourself or your business. If you're an actor, writer, artist, a small business owner, entrepreneur. It's vital. I mean postcards and and emails are practically a thing of the past. Maybe I should create a second page for my professional self.
Social media is for sharing your life. My friends with kids share pictures of their kids and major life events like weddings and holidays. My friends with businesses share info on their business events and specials. I share about my acting because, well I don't have a spouse or children and I don't have a fabulous home. I happen to perform on stage fairly often. And if I get a part, I want to share the news with my friends. I want them to come see me (well usually! LOL). If I get cast in a commercial or a TV show it is cause for celebration in my life. And I want to share that the same I would if I was getting married or my kid rode his bike for the first time or said his first word.
But then sometimes I wonder, is my life empty? I have no spouse, no children, no house. Am I less of a person because I don't have any of these things? No. It's just what I have right now. It's where I am. I don't have to be where you are in your life. I chose a different path and that's okay. I think. Is it? What do you think? :) There I shared. I'm insecure. Go figure.
I have always made it a point to keep my social media posts free of my personal views or feelings mainly to avoid the above from happening and also because of my overwhelming need to be liked. I cannot handle people not liking me. I can't offend or disagree with people because they may not like me as a result. There. I just shared something personal about myself.
Others use social media to post pictures of their family and their travels or to share funny pictures stories etc. Still others use it to promote their latest projects. Many use it for all those things. But no matter what you use it for, there are those who attack. Some get sick of seeing others use social media to vent about their problems, or use it to express their political views or views on some other issue. or maybe think they others are using it to gain sympathy from friends.
I was once told by a friend that a neighbor unfriended him because he was sick of him bragging about how wonderful his life was and always rubbing it in his face. My response to him was that his "friend" was projecting his own insecurities and issues onto my friend's posts as if perhaps they were in competition as they lived in the same neighborhood and their kids played together. And there were some other similarities between the two families that I will not share here. They were probably just jealous. By no means does my friend post to brag. But there are insecure people who will see it that way. Their problem. Not yours.
I've seen people complain that those who use social media simply to promote their latest project. "I just cast in this play." "I booked a commercial." "Come see me in my show." I'm afraid I fall into this category. To me, this is one of the things that social media is for...to promote yourself or your business. If you're an actor, writer, artist, a small business owner, entrepreneur. It's vital. I mean postcards and and emails are practically a thing of the past. Maybe I should create a second page for my professional self.
Social media is for sharing your life. My friends with kids share pictures of their kids and major life events like weddings and holidays. My friends with businesses share info on their business events and specials. I share about my acting because, well I don't have a spouse or children and I don't have a fabulous home. I happen to perform on stage fairly often. And if I get a part, I want to share the news with my friends. I want them to come see me (well usually! LOL). If I get cast in a commercial or a TV show it is cause for celebration in my life. And I want to share that the same I would if I was getting married or my kid rode his bike for the first time or said his first word.
But then sometimes I wonder, is my life empty? I have no spouse, no children, no house. Am I less of a person because I don't have any of these things? No. It's just what I have right now. It's where I am. I don't have to be where you are in your life. I chose a different path and that's okay. I think. Is it? What do you think? :) There I shared. I'm insecure. Go figure.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
I've Run Out Of Ideas! Wait! I Thought of Something!
I don't know what to write about. I'm tapped out. What do I write about? I can't think of anything. So now here I am writing about nothing. I had a couple of great ideas when I was in my car a couple hours ago. And now that I'm sitting at the computer, I can't remember what they were.
So I sit here...staring at the screen. Nothing. What do you do when you're stuck? Share with me. I need help!
(Some time has passed) I'm still stuck. What could I write about? My career? Do you want to hear about that? Do you care? My inner most fears? Or is that too personal? I mean we're still new at this. I don't know that I know you well enough to share that yet. My dreams and aspirations? Maybe. Are you interested in that? My political views? No! I don't want to go there online.
Tomorrow at work, I'll probably come up with a great idea but I'll be too busy to write. And by the time I get home, I'll have forgotten. Well, Richard you say, why don't you jot your ideas down on a piece of paper or a sticky. DUH! OK, yes you are correct there. And I do do that. If I think of it. If I don't get interrupted, etc.
Oh! I know! One of my ideas just came back!
Last week I mentioned my love/obsession with television. And I made it seem as thought I ONLY love old school TV. And that's not true. My latest TV addiction is HGTV. On the weekends, it is on non-stop! I love Love it or List It, House Hunters, Property Brothers, Fixer Upper, Flip or Flop, Property Virgins. So much! Love them! Although they are all pretty much variations on the same thing now. There used to shows that were slightly different, like Income Property, Curb Appeal, Design Star. But still. I love them all. And I feel now that I can do almost anything on my own because I've watched so much HGTV. I used to DIY too. But I downgraded my cable package when the prices went up. But I liked their shows too, especially the Yard Crashers, Kitchen Crashers and Bathroom Crashers shows.
I think I could install my own drywall, sinks, tubs, toilets. I can do all on my own because I've watched so much. And I have very good taste if I do say so myself. I used to want to be an interior designer so there you go. I'm for hire. Give me a call.
And I do, in fact, love Netflix and Amazon Prime. You see? I am not that old fashioned. I enjoy Orange is the New Black and House of Cards and Transparent. But I have to say, I am tired of all the dysfunctional families on TV now. Why must they all be so dysfunctional? I love Transparent because of Jeffrey Tambor's performance. He is amazing. But the three kids? OMG! So f'ing needy, whiny and messed up. And that's just one example. It seems to be a trend on cable and streaming TV shows. Just thought of another Grace and Frankie on Netflix. Same thing. The very grown children are all messed up. And I don't like them. I REALLY don't like the grown children on Transparent. Ick!
Where are the Huxtables of The Cosby Show? The Seavers of Growing Pains, The Keatons of Family Ties? I think I feel a MeTV fix coming on. Yes. Change the channel, out on MeTV. Ah! Yes! Happy Days. The Cunninghams. OK. Got to go. Talk to you later.
What do you do for your writer's block. Leave me your comments. Also let me know what topics you want me to cover.
So I sit here...staring at the screen. Nothing. What do you do when you're stuck? Share with me. I need help!
(Some time has passed) I'm still stuck. What could I write about? My career? Do you want to hear about that? Do you care? My inner most fears? Or is that too personal? I mean we're still new at this. I don't know that I know you well enough to share that yet. My dreams and aspirations? Maybe. Are you interested in that? My political views? No! I don't want to go there online.
Tomorrow at work, I'll probably come up with a great idea but I'll be too busy to write. And by the time I get home, I'll have forgotten. Well, Richard you say, why don't you jot your ideas down on a piece of paper or a sticky. DUH! OK, yes you are correct there. And I do do that. If I think of it. If I don't get interrupted, etc.
Oh! I know! One of my ideas just came back!
Last week I mentioned my love/obsession with television. And I made it seem as thought I ONLY love old school TV. And that's not true. My latest TV addiction is HGTV. On the weekends, it is on non-stop! I love Love it or List It, House Hunters, Property Brothers, Fixer Upper, Flip or Flop, Property Virgins. So much! Love them! Although they are all pretty much variations on the same thing now. There used to shows that were slightly different, like Income Property, Curb Appeal, Design Star. But still. I love them all. And I feel now that I can do almost anything on my own because I've watched so much HGTV. I used to DIY too. But I downgraded my cable package when the prices went up. But I liked their shows too, especially the Yard Crashers, Kitchen Crashers and Bathroom Crashers shows.
I think I could install my own drywall, sinks, tubs, toilets. I can do all on my own because I've watched so much. And I have very good taste if I do say so myself. I used to want to be an interior designer so there you go. I'm for hire. Give me a call.
And I do, in fact, love Netflix and Amazon Prime. You see? I am not that old fashioned. I enjoy Orange is the New Black and House of Cards and Transparent. But I have to say, I am tired of all the dysfunctional families on TV now. Why must they all be so dysfunctional? I love Transparent because of Jeffrey Tambor's performance. He is amazing. But the three kids? OMG! So f'ing needy, whiny and messed up. And that's just one example. It seems to be a trend on cable and streaming TV shows. Just thought of another Grace and Frankie on Netflix. Same thing. The very grown children are all messed up. And I don't like them. I REALLY don't like the grown children on Transparent. Ick!
Where are the Huxtables of The Cosby Show? The Seavers of Growing Pains, The Keatons of Family Ties? I think I feel a MeTV fix coming on. Yes. Change the channel, out on MeTV. Ah! Yes! Happy Days. The Cunninghams. OK. Got to go. Talk to you later.
What do you do for your writer's block. Leave me your comments. Also let me know what topics you want me to cover.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
I'm Getting Older and Fighting It Every Step of the Way
I take a cardio dance class on Monday nights. I've been in there for over a year now and I love it. It's called Broadway Bodies and is taught by a former Broadway dancer full of so much energy. The gimmick is that we warm to Broadway show tunes and each week he chooses a song from a Broadway or movie musical and we do choreography to it.
I've been pretty proud of myself for keeping up. I am usually still able to jump, kick etc. The kicks may not be as high as they once were, but they are still there. And I think to myself, not bad for a 50-something. But lately, its been getting a little tougher. Tonight, for instance, I had some trouble. Two weeks ago I was feeling pretty cocky, "Look at me! I'm 54 and you'd never know it. Ha!" And then I got out of bed the next morning and my left knee was out of whack. It was kind of whacky all day and periodically for a couple days it would suddenly just give out on me.
Tonight, I was just feeling a little out of it. My kicks, not so high. My jumping, ehhh not so much jumping in place happening tonight. Am I getting too old? No! Damn it! No! I refuse to give in. Maybe it was just the time change over the weekend. Yes, that must be it.
I'm still a kid. I am not old. So what if I'm having neck problems. And I'm in physical therapy. The pain is constant. I'm pretty stiff. Have to turn my whole up body around to see side to side. It sucks.
Last month, I went to Scandanavia for 10 days. My feet hurt from all the walking around. And I tired out quite a bit. Had to stop and rest periodically. My mother does that. She's 77 and has bad knees. She can't stay on her feet for long. I'm not 77 and I've never had issues with my knees. I exercise. I lift weights and ride my bike and run on the treadmill and dance to Broadway show tunes. So why am I out of breath when I climb Bunker Hill every morning from the Pershing Square Red Line Station to my office on the top of the hill? Some days, really winded. That never used to be a problem.
I'm still a kid. I play games and I watch cartoons and I ride a bike. I'm not married. I haven't had kids. I'm too young for this! Let me tell you something, when the time comes and my health starts to go, I am fighting it every step of the way. I will not give up. I am not going down without a fight.
I'll show up at Broadway Bodies in wheelchair if I have to!
I've been pretty proud of myself for keeping up. I am usually still able to jump, kick etc. The kicks may not be as high as they once were, but they are still there. And I think to myself, not bad for a 50-something. But lately, its been getting a little tougher. Tonight, for instance, I had some trouble. Two weeks ago I was feeling pretty cocky, "Look at me! I'm 54 and you'd never know it. Ha!" And then I got out of bed the next morning and my left knee was out of whack. It was kind of whacky all day and periodically for a couple days it would suddenly just give out on me.
Tonight, I was just feeling a little out of it. My kicks, not so high. My jumping, ehhh not so much jumping in place happening tonight. Am I getting too old? No! Damn it! No! I refuse to give in. Maybe it was just the time change over the weekend. Yes, that must be it.
I'm still a kid. I am not old. So what if I'm having neck problems. And I'm in physical therapy. The pain is constant. I'm pretty stiff. Have to turn my whole up body around to see side to side. It sucks.
Last month, I went to Scandanavia for 10 days. My feet hurt from all the walking around. And I tired out quite a bit. Had to stop and rest periodically. My mother does that. She's 77 and has bad knees. She can't stay on her feet for long. I'm not 77 and I've never had issues with my knees. I exercise. I lift weights and ride my bike and run on the treadmill and dance to Broadway show tunes. So why am I out of breath when I climb Bunker Hill every morning from the Pershing Square Red Line Station to my office on the top of the hill? Some days, really winded. That never used to be a problem.
I'm still a kid. I play games and I watch cartoons and I ride a bike. I'm not married. I haven't had kids. I'm too young for this! Let me tell you something, when the time comes and my health starts to go, I am fighting it every step of the way. I will not give up. I am not going down without a fight.
I'll show up at Broadway Bodies in wheelchair if I have to!
Sunday, November 1, 2015
To Blog or No To Blog - Why Am I Blogging?
So why am I doing this? I mean why not blog? After all this is 2015, not 2006. A good question. Let me give you a good answer...I don't know. Why not?
Why am I doing this? Honestly, its an outlet. And its to keep the creative juices flowing. You see I have written in the past and I have many ideas for projects, web series, short films, sketches, videos, plays. But I can't seem to write them. You see I get these ideas and I jot some notes down. I might even sit at the computer and start writing. But then I get stuck. I don't know where I am going. I run out of ideas. So I stop.
So for me this is a way to keep writing every day. Some of you may have heard of The Artist's Way and morning pages. I used to morning pages years ago. I haven't in a long time. This is my morning pages in a way. I'm not doing them first thing in the morning, but I am writing every day. I'm exercising that muscle and hopefully freeing the ideas to come to me. At least I hope that's what is happening. Maybe I'm just opening the flow of diarrhea from my brain. (I know. Eww!)
So this is an exercise and an outlet. A way to express myself. And also to see if my thoughts and ideas mean anything to anyone else. You see, (full disclosure), I am an actor and as you may have heard, we're a needy bunch. We need constant reassurance that you like what we are doing. Look up neurotic in the dictionary and you'll see one of the definitions is an actor.
I am seriously flawed in this department. I need constant positive feedback. When I don't get it, I my self-worth sinks. I have no confidence in my abilities or talents. Remember Sally Field when she won her second Oscar? "You like me! You really like me!" Yup! That's pretty much it.
Now by nature, I am not a needy person. I am pretty self-sufficient and independent. But when it comes to my work, acting, writing, directing, I need to know. It was especially bad in college. I was often in the head of there theater department's office crying about something, begging for validation. I had to prove myself to everyone. They needed to validate my talent as an actor. Oy vey!
Today, not so bad. I may not say anything. But believe me the insecurity is still there, deep down inside, festering, just waiting for someone to come along and pay me a compliment and then just like magic, it's gone. Poof! Like magic.
It's really hard when I have to be myself in front of an audience. I have a cabaret act that I've done a few times. Toughest thing I ever did. Because it's me. It's all me. I share so many of my private thoughts and feelings. Will the audience like me? Will they find me as funny as I want them to? Will they feel where I want them to? Will they accept me for just being me and sharing my life? There's no character to hide behind. Just me. Fortunately, it worked. But oh the anxiety. The nerves.
I've written that and I wrote sketch for a few years at Acme Comedy Theatre. Sometimes it took much to write. I wouldn't get an idea until the last minute. So much pressure. Are my ideas any good? Will they think its funny?
I wrote a web series a couple of years ago. I was so unsure I could do it alone, I asked a friend from Acme, Kate Danley, to help me bring my idea to life. I wasn't sure if she would think it was a good idea. But she did like it. And she helped write and produce the first season. And let me tell you I couldn't have a had a better partner. She has since gone on to be a prolific novelist. Great books. You can find them here:
http://www.katedanley.com/books.html
And our series, The Playhouse did quite well too. In fact, I did a second season all on my own since Kate's writing career actually took off at that point. Here is a link to The Playhouse:
The Playhouse Soap Opera A Web Series
I have a play I've written. I wrote it about 10 years ago. I've shown to a couple of people, who liked it. But I haven't done anything with it. I think its time to have a reading. I have short film that I think is great idea, but I have never shared with anyone. I think its time. I've also written a few episodes of a web series with a class mate. We really should get around to filming that. What do you think? Do approve?
Why am I doing this? Honestly, its an outlet. And its to keep the creative juices flowing. You see I have written in the past and I have many ideas for projects, web series, short films, sketches, videos, plays. But I can't seem to write them. You see I get these ideas and I jot some notes down. I might even sit at the computer and start writing. But then I get stuck. I don't know where I am going. I run out of ideas. So I stop.
So for me this is a way to keep writing every day. Some of you may have heard of The Artist's Way and morning pages. I used to morning pages years ago. I haven't in a long time. This is my morning pages in a way. I'm not doing them first thing in the morning, but I am writing every day. I'm exercising that muscle and hopefully freeing the ideas to come to me. At least I hope that's what is happening. Maybe I'm just opening the flow of diarrhea from my brain. (I know. Eww!)
So this is an exercise and an outlet. A way to express myself. And also to see if my thoughts and ideas mean anything to anyone else. You see, (full disclosure), I am an actor and as you may have heard, we're a needy bunch. We need constant reassurance that you like what we are doing. Look up neurotic in the dictionary and you'll see one of the definitions is an actor.
I am seriously flawed in this department. I need constant positive feedback. When I don't get it, I my self-worth sinks. I have no confidence in my abilities or talents. Remember Sally Field when she won her second Oscar? "You like me! You really like me!" Yup! That's pretty much it.
Now by nature, I am not a needy person. I am pretty self-sufficient and independent. But when it comes to my work, acting, writing, directing, I need to know. It was especially bad in college. I was often in the head of there theater department's office crying about something, begging for validation. I had to prove myself to everyone. They needed to validate my talent as an actor. Oy vey!
Today, not so bad. I may not say anything. But believe me the insecurity is still there, deep down inside, festering, just waiting for someone to come along and pay me a compliment and then just like magic, it's gone. Poof! Like magic.
It's really hard when I have to be myself in front of an audience. I have a cabaret act that I've done a few times. Toughest thing I ever did. Because it's me. It's all me. I share so many of my private thoughts and feelings. Will the audience like me? Will they find me as funny as I want them to? Will they feel where I want them to? Will they accept me for just being me and sharing my life? There's no character to hide behind. Just me. Fortunately, it worked. But oh the anxiety. The nerves.
I've written that and I wrote sketch for a few years at Acme Comedy Theatre. Sometimes it took much to write. I wouldn't get an idea until the last minute. So much pressure. Are my ideas any good? Will they think its funny?
I wrote a web series a couple of years ago. I was so unsure I could do it alone, I asked a friend from Acme, Kate Danley, to help me bring my idea to life. I wasn't sure if she would think it was a good idea. But she did like it. And she helped write and produce the first season. And let me tell you I couldn't have a had a better partner. She has since gone on to be a prolific novelist. Great books. You can find them here:
http://www.katedanley.com/books.html
And our series, The Playhouse did quite well too. In fact, I did a second season all on my own since Kate's writing career actually took off at that point. Here is a link to The Playhouse:
The Playhouse Soap Opera A Web Series
I have a play I've written. I wrote it about 10 years ago. I've shown to a couple of people, who liked it. But I haven't done anything with it. I think its time to have a reading. I have short film that I think is great idea, but I have never shared with anyone. I think its time. I've also written a few episodes of a web series with a class mate. We really should get around to filming that. What do you think? Do approve?
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