So I went in for an MRI yesterday. Nothing serious. Just been having some neck pain for several months. Been in physical therapy for a few months and while the mobility in my neck has improved, I still experience chronic pain. So checking out.
I had an MRI about 10-11 years ago and I do remember at that time that I panicked a bit when they first put me in the machine. I asked to be taken out. I breathed, mentally prepared myself and went back in and managed to get through it. Now, I thought I remembered having one years before when I was in my 20s and going through testicular cancer. But I don't remember having issues at all. Maybe it was different. I don't know.
Is it possible I've developed claustrophobia as I've gotten older? I swear I don't remember ever having issues with being in confined spaces. But then again, maybe I've never been in one before. At least not one this small.
Anyway, this time at least I was prepared. I knew it was small but I also knew that I had been through this before I came out just fine. So, I arrive, I check in, I go back to the imaging room. The technician hands me a pair of ear plugs. Not sure why, but there they are. He asks more than once about me being okay with the machine and all and I respond that I am fine. I lie down on the machine put in the earplugs. My neck is locked in a brace. I'm still fine. Again, he explains that some people get panicky and they move around so its important not to move around. I explain that I didn't get much sleep last night and I'm exhausted so I'm hoping to doze off. He hands me the buzzer that I can use in case I need it because he won't be able to hear me when I speak.
In I go. I'm in. It's a tight space. OK. I'm fine. I can see. I'm just going to close my eyes. If my eyes are closed, I won't know the difference of my surroundings. I open them up again. I look up. I look to the sides. I look above me to see if I can see the opening of the tube above my head. Nope. I'm fully enclose. Not even a crack. No little window. Why do I have to be so close to the top of this thing? Can't they put in a little breathing room? I close my eyes again and tell myself to start thinking about something else. I should run the lines of my audition later today.
Nope. Not working. I can totally tell I'm enclosed in something. I open my eyes. I look around. My chest is starting to tighten. I'm getting a feeling like no matter what I cannot relax. I will not doze off. I am uncomfortable. I'm trapped. There is no way out of this thing. What happens if I really need to get out and I can't? This doesn't feel right.
Then the technician says, I'm ready to start now. What?! You haven't started yet. What have you been doing for the last two minutes. You said I'd only be in here for 10-12 minutes and its already been ac couple and you haven't even started yet!? No. Wait! Excuse me ,young man. Hello? I think I need to come out of here please.
He lets me out. I sit up. I breathe. I apologize. I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I thought I could do this but its harder than it looks. I'm sorry. He assures me its no big deal. It happens all the time. I understand but I don't do this. I don't even know where this is coming from. I should be able to do this. He explains that we can reschedule and I can come back and they will date me first. Many people do. OK. That sounds good. Maybe I'll do that. Again, I'm sorry. No need to apologize sir, its very common.
So now I have to go back in another week. And this time I'm being drugged. Believe me, this also does not thrill me.
Maybe I'll just live with the pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment