The Show Must Go On - The Actor's Nightmare

Actors...Ever have that dream where you're on stage and you don't know you're lines, you blocking or even what the show is that you're doing? Of course you have. We all have.

Well this weekend, I nearly lived it for real. That's right! I went into a new musical that I had never seen, read nor even heard about with 24 hours notice and no rehearsal. And I survived.

Friday night art 5:00 I received a message from an old colleague at Acme Comedy Theatre whose wife is in a new musical opening that evening in about 3 hours. One of the lead actors was in the emergency room and they knew nothing about his condition, ailment, when or if he would be back in the show. He had been asked to do it but he's not a singer (although I think he could have handled this character's one song). His wife asked if he knew anyone that could sing and act and jump in on a moment's notice.  And that's how I ended up in a new musical.

I was up for the challenge. It's been a while since I've done something like this, gone on as a replacement with little to non rehearsal. And I felt my mind needed it to prove that my mind was still agile enough at my age,

I was told that the show's composer was prepared to go on in the role that evening. I could simply come and watch the show and then jump in to Saturday night's show. I arrived at the theater an hour and a half later. It was very deja vu for me. I did two shows at the at theater 14 and 15 years ago and had only been back on a couple of occasions since both over a decade ago. So weird to be there again after all these years and to walk in the theater and see a signed poster if one of those shows with my autograph hanging on the wall house right. My very first show in Los Angeles was in that space.

So, I arrived and watched as they ran the composer through what would be my scenes. I was handed a copy of the stage manager's script and went in search of a FedEx Office to make a copy. As I went through the script I noticed that my character was named Cindy, not Sidney as was I had been told. I was confused. Turns out this was an older version of the script before my character's gender was changed. (Not the only one either, a formerly male character had been changed to a female so it evened out in the end).  Why the stage manager had an old version of the script was beyond me, but who am I to question.

So I went up to the booth to watch the show. I still knew nothing about this show called Mary of the Avenue. When Sidney came on stage I turned on the recorder on my phone so I could have a recording of the song I had to learn. I watched the show, and after made arrangements with my scene partners to meet at 5 on Saturday before the show.

I went out with friends and stayed out way too late (that's a story for another time). Cancelled my work hours on Saturday and stayed in so I could focus on my lines. Now the good news is that I play a reporter so I could use a clipboard in certain scenes when I was on the scene reporting to my TV audience. That way I was able to put the pages of the script for that scene on the clipboard and use it as a crutch when I was on stage.  I showed up at 5 and we ran my scenes a few times and then I went to the booth to learn my song. I definitely needed to have my script in my hand for that!

I did the show. The announcement that I was going on as a replacement was not made until intermission. The producer thought that if he made the announcement prior to the start of the show that the audience would be conscious of me looking down at my script periodically, but if he said nothing they wouldn't be as aware of it and it would be even more impressive when they found out that I was a last minute sub with no rehearsal time nor no knowledge of the show whatsoever until approximately 24 hours before going on. It worked! They totally fell for it.

Although I was never told about the curtain call. Well, no worries, I thought. I'll just ask who I follow and where I go. Great.  No problem. Worked out fine. And then when we all took our group bow...the music started playing and the cast started singing one of the songs from the show...and not my song! What?! After all that? I get through the show without incident and then that gets thrown at me. What is this song. Do I stand here like an idiot and just grin at the audience? Do I move my lips and make it look like a bad ventriloquist act or bad dubbing on a foreign film? No! I'm going to try and sing a long. A song I don't know. A song I've only heard once. And so I opened my mouth and sang. I followed along. The melody was pretty easy to pick up and as for the words I just a split millisecond behind the cast. Seriously. I was basically echoing them but only barely.

When I walked off stage, I went into the dressing room and said I wish someone had told me that I had to sing in the bows! The composer /producer came backstage and apologized for thinking to tell me and teach me the song. But then also noted how I just dove in and sang along and he couldn't believe how I appeared to know the song, Only his trained eye could tell that I was actually about a split second behind the cast.

So I did it. I went on again today and it was better. Next weekend I'll be onstage without a crutch, totally off book. But for now...Phew! I've still got it!

Oy! The Pain! Getting Older Can Hurt

I've been back to dance class the last couple of weeks and its reminded me of some of my boast brags on facebook a couple years ago when I was taking this class regularly. I was proud of how at my age I could not only keep up with everyone but not really feel any pain and I still had great agility at age 52 53.

Well now I'm 56 and those days are over! Hell! When did this happen to me? My knees occasionally give out but not always. And they've been okay lately. Knock wood! God forbid I curse myself by saying that and I get up from this chair and my knee gives out and I fall flat upon my face.  My joints hurt me.

My back has been in pain on two occasions. The first was two years ago and it last over a week. And it was painful! I went to the doctor and got two prescriptions: one muscle relaxer and one pain killer. I'm still enjoying those. (Just kidding!)

Reminds me of a story...when I was in my mid 20s I had surgery and my parents let recuperate at their house while I was on leave from my job. I had been given Tylenol 3 with Codeine by the surgeon as a pain killer. The surgery was on Monday. Saturday afternoon, my father walked into my room and saw that I had taken a dose of the pills and he asked if I was still in pain. I said no. Then he asked why I was still taking the pills. I told him because the doctor prescribed them and I hadn't finished the prescription yet. He said, that's not something to play around with. Those things can be addictive. If you're not in pain, then you shouldn't be taking them anymore. So I stopped. I got schooled. And I've never been a big pill popper. In fact, I don't think I have an addictive personality.
Back to our main story...

The second time I had bad back pain was a couple months ago. Same pain in the small of my back. Really intense. But it went away in a few days.

The Big A word is what has hit me...Arthritis! I have arthritis! Why? How? I'm too young. I work out regularly at the gym but for several months now I have not been able to do bench presses because of my right shoulder. Its not the weight. Its the movement. Literally. I can't lift my right arm over my head without pain. Now the pain has moved down to my right elbow. Arms curls hurt like hell on the inside joint of my right elbow. Ouch!

Some times my fingers or hands will go numb. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a shooting pain down my arm to my thumb. What is this fresh new hell? Am I turning into old man?

NO!! Look at me! I am not an old man. I mean, seriously, look at me! I'm still young. I look damn good for my age. I can't tell yo how many times I'll see someone or meet someone and think to myself they are older than me, only to find out that they are in fact a few years younger than me. And then I think to myself, "How can that be?". And then I think to myself, in all modesty and humility, "I look damn good for my age."

Then I cross my fingers and throw salt over my shoulder and turn and spin three times and spit to make sure to ward off any evil spirits that will cause me to wake up the next morning looking ten years older. I don't want to curse myself by saying I look good. Although my hair has really started going gray in the last year.

And what happened to my nice tight little ass?!!! Holy crap! Are my ass cheeks starting to sag a bit?! My shelf life is running out! I need to find a husband and now before everything falls apart and I'm not attractive to anyone. LOL

Truth be told, as I've gotten older I seem to be getting more attention paid. Maybe aging isn't such a bad thing. Whoever ends up with me just better be prepared to put up with the occasional cries of pain and sagging body parts.

P.S. in addition I used to be a pretty good dancer. Not a trainer dancer but I could pick up choreography pretty quickly when I was in rehearsals for a show. Not so much anymore. The other night, I couldn't remember how the dance combo started. I had to keep asking my friend April, "What's the first step?" Oh boy!