So why am I doing this? I mean why not blog? After all this is 2015, not 2006. A good question. Let me give you a good answer...I don't know. Why not?
Why am I doing this? Honestly, its an outlet. And its to keep the creative juices flowing. You see I have written in the past and I have many ideas for projects, web series, short films, sketches, videos, plays. But I can't seem to write them. You see I get these ideas and I jot some notes down. I might even sit at the computer and start writing. But then I get stuck. I don't know where I am going. I run out of ideas. So I stop.
So for me this is a way to keep writing every day. Some of you may have heard of The Artist's Way and morning pages. I used to morning pages years ago. I haven't in a long time. This is my morning pages in a way. I'm not doing them first thing in the morning, but I am writing every day. I'm exercising that muscle and hopefully freeing the ideas to come to me. At least I hope that's what is happening. Maybe I'm just opening the flow of diarrhea from my brain. (I know. Eww!)
So this is an exercise and an outlet. A way to express myself. And also to see if my thoughts and ideas mean anything to anyone else. You see, (full disclosure), I am an actor and as you may have heard, we're a needy bunch. We need constant reassurance that you like what we are doing. Look up neurotic in the dictionary and you'll see one of the definitions is an actor.
I am seriously flawed in this department. I need constant positive feedback. When I don't get it, I my self-worth sinks. I have no confidence in my abilities or talents. Remember Sally Field when she won her second Oscar? "You like me! You really like me!" Yup! That's pretty much it.
Now by nature, I am not a needy person. I am pretty self-sufficient and independent. But when it comes to my work, acting, writing, directing, I need to know. It was especially bad in college. I was often in the head of there theater department's office crying about something, begging for validation. I had to prove myself to everyone. They needed to validate my talent as an actor. Oy vey!
Today, not so bad. I may not say anything. But believe me the insecurity is still there, deep down inside, festering, just waiting for someone to come along and pay me a compliment and then just like magic, it's gone. Poof! Like magic.
It's really hard when I have to be myself in front of an audience. I have a cabaret act that I've done a few times. Toughest thing I ever did. Because it's me. It's all me. I share so many of my private thoughts and feelings. Will the audience like me? Will they find me as funny as I want them to? Will they feel where I want them to? Will they accept me for just being me and sharing my life? There's no character to hide behind. Just me. Fortunately, it worked. But oh the anxiety. The nerves.
I've written that and I wrote sketch for a few years at Acme Comedy Theatre. Sometimes it took much to write. I wouldn't get an idea until the last minute. So much pressure. Are my ideas any good? Will they think its funny?
I wrote a web series a couple of years ago. I was so unsure I could do it alone, I asked a friend from Acme, Kate Danley, to help me bring my idea to life. I wasn't sure if she would think it was a good idea. But she did like it. And she helped write and produce the first season. And let me tell you I couldn't have a had a better partner. She has since gone on to be a prolific novelist. Great books. You can find them here:
http://www.katedanley.com/books.html
And our series, The Playhouse did quite well too. In fact, I did a second season all on my own since Kate's writing career actually took off at that point. Here is a link to The Playhouse:
The Playhouse Soap Opera A Web Series
I have a play I've written. I wrote it about 10 years ago. I've shown to a couple of people, who liked it. But I haven't done anything with it. I think its time to have a reading. I have short film that I think is great idea, but I have never shared with anyone. I think its time. I've also written a few episodes of a web series with a class mate. We really should get around to filming that. What do you think? Do approve?
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