Oy! The Pain! Getting Older Can Hurt

I've been back to dance class the last couple of weeks and its reminded me of some of my boast brags on facebook a couple years ago when I was taking this class regularly. I was proud of how at my age I could not only keep up with everyone but not really feel any pain and I still had great agility at age 52 53.

Well now I'm 56 and those days are over! Hell! When did this happen to me? My knees occasionally give out but not always. And they've been okay lately. Knock wood! God forbid I curse myself by saying that and I get up from this chair and my knee gives out and I fall flat upon my face.  My joints hurt me.

My back has been in pain on two occasions. The first was two years ago and it last over a week. And it was painful! I went to the doctor and got two prescriptions: one muscle relaxer and one pain killer. I'm still enjoying those. (Just kidding!)

Reminds me of a story...when I was in my mid 20s I had surgery and my parents let recuperate at their house while I was on leave from my job. I had been given Tylenol 3 with Codeine by the surgeon as a pain killer. The surgery was on Monday. Saturday afternoon, my father walked into my room and saw that I had taken a dose of the pills and he asked if I was still in pain. I said no. Then he asked why I was still taking the pills. I told him because the doctor prescribed them and I hadn't finished the prescription yet. He said, that's not something to play around with. Those things can be addictive. If you're not in pain, then you shouldn't be taking them anymore. So I stopped. I got schooled. And I've never been a big pill popper. In fact, I don't think I have an addictive personality.
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The second time I had bad back pain was a couple months ago. Same pain in the small of my back. Really intense. But it went away in a few days.

The Big A word is what has hit me...Arthritis! I have arthritis! Why? How? I'm too young. I work out regularly at the gym but for several months now I have not been able to do bench presses because of my right shoulder. Its not the weight. Its the movement. Literally. I can't lift my right arm over my head without pain. Now the pain has moved down to my right elbow. Arms curls hurt like hell on the inside joint of my right elbow. Ouch!

Some times my fingers or hands will go numb. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a shooting pain down my arm to my thumb. What is this fresh new hell? Am I turning into old man?

NO!! Look at me! I am not an old man. I mean, seriously, look at me! I'm still young. I look damn good for my age. I can't tell yo how many times I'll see someone or meet someone and think to myself they are older than me, only to find out that they are in fact a few years younger than me. And then I think to myself, "How can that be?". And then I think to myself, in all modesty and humility, "I look damn good for my age."

Then I cross my fingers and throw salt over my shoulder and turn and spin three times and spit to make sure to ward off any evil spirits that will cause me to wake up the next morning looking ten years older. I don't want to curse myself by saying I look good. Although my hair has really started going gray in the last year.

And what happened to my nice tight little ass?!!! Holy crap! Are my ass cheeks starting to sag a bit?! My shelf life is running out! I need to find a husband and now before everything falls apart and I'm not attractive to anyone. LOL

Truth be told, as I've gotten older I seem to be getting more attention paid. Maybe aging isn't such a bad thing. Whoever ends up with me just better be prepared to put up with the occasional cries of pain and sagging body parts.

P.S. in addition I used to be a pretty good dancer. Not a trainer dancer but I could pick up choreography pretty quickly when I was in rehearsals for a show. Not so much anymore. The other night, I couldn't remember how the dance combo started. I had to keep asking my friend April, "What's the first step?" Oh boy!

My Body Hurts! I Hate Aging. But I Still Look Good!

I've mentioned in the past that I take a cardio dance class that I love. I've been in it going on two years now. I've been proud of the fact that at my age I can still dance well and I can mostly keep up with the younger ones. Sometimes, I have some issues with my knees. Or I might wake up in the morning with some stiffness in my legs and/or joints. But it doesn't last more that part of a day.  However. it has been happening with more and more frequency however.

This past week, it hit me the very next day and it hit me hard. And its still with me. My left knee has not been right since Wednesday and I'm experiencing pains in both legs and especially in my right butt cheek. You heard me. My right butt cheek. If I sit on it for too long, it starts to hurt. My lower back has been bothering me. I've noticed recently, that sometimes when I lift one leg to put on a pair of pants I have trouble keeping my balance. What?

Until recently I could whip my legs into my pants real quick and with great agility. Where has that gone? I guess the days of bragging about how agile I am even at my age (mid-50s) are gone. I'm no longer one of the go-to guys for picking up the choreography in the chorus of the show real quick. I'm officially one of the older character actors who gets to stand in the background while the younger guys dance around. I. Am. Not. Happy.

I refuse to deteriorate and go to my grave a stiff weakened older gentleman. There must be something I can do. Some medication I can take. A miracle pill that gives me my high kick back. My bell kicks are not what they used to be. I'd like to be able to do those again.

Oi! My neck is killing me too. This has been going one for about a year. I've been in physical therapy for that. You know what this blog is beginning to sound like? I'm one of those older men complaining about all the things on my body that don't work as well as they used to. Oi! The Lumbago! I need some liniment to rub on my back. Hack! Hack! My sinuses! Excuse me. I just need to cough up this phlegm that's caught in my throat.

Do me a favor roll that chair over here so I can sit for a spell and rest my feet. This hike is a little too much for me. Would open this bottle of ibuprofen for me? My arthritis is acting up.

G'night. Its past my bedtime. Yes! I know it's only 9:00. Get off my lawn you noisy kids or next time  your ball comes into my yard, I'm keeping it.